PERSONAL PAGES

This section is for people like friends and family who are interested in what is going on with me personally, outside the music and the life. I'll collect the things that relate to me personally as they come up, though I don't expect there will be a lot here. If you just wandered over here, that's fine, there's nothing private here. This is just space for things that are personal, relating to Brian the person rather then Brian the Folksinger, though I'd admit they are hard to seperate. Still I believe that music is independent of the person making it, it flows through them, changes them, but they are still just another person too. I don't believe that the person should be judged by the music they make, or the music judged by the person who makes it.. art isn't really like that. A study of the personal lives of artists can be very interesting, yet for me it only shows that whle the lives of artists are tangled up with their art , for better or worse, but they are also people, though their lives flowed in and around their art, driven by it or burdened by it, yet behind that gift, and the art they make, there is still a person sometimes struggling to have a life beyond the demands of their art.
For most of my life, I haven't even tried to have a "personal" life, it didn't seem very important or necessary. I could live in the moment, in the music, in the magic, in the solitude of the natural world.. places where there is no need to "be" anyone, where none of that matters. You are your self, at a deeper level somehow beyond "personality", you just are. And when you are come back to the "normal" world, somehow all the pomp and show of image and impression, the roles and games and characters people play seem just that, and unreal, unnescessary, and unimportant. You look at the personality almost like the clothes someone is wearing, but what you see is the heart and soul, the spirit that is meeting yours, while the words and conversations swirl like colorful birds, pleasant, yet often insignificant. You listen for the music in the words, the spirit trying to speak behind the words, through the words, that is important and significant, the energy in the words. . Sigh.. I don't know if I can explain something that is so clear, yet in many ways, it is another world, a different perception. As I dwelt in that world, perhaps my personality just faded away a bit, un-needed. I'm not sure I have the answers to a lot of personal questions, because I never gave them much thought, at least, not in a long time.

My life is entwined with the music and the mystic, even when it doesn't show so in the News sections and tour-journals, so many things happen I just don't mention. I don't try to seperate the "personal" events from the music, I can't. I try to escribe my life in more normal terms so that people relate, though its not as much the way it works in my head or in how I live. I've often said to people that my life doesn't make any sense unless I include the music. Most often it is easier to pull the dulci out and just play for someone, let them experience what it is, and then my life makes more sense. They can understand how I'm caught up in this strange dance with the dulcimer and the music, and maybe even sense the mystic-magic too. It's hard to explain but undeniable, so I won't, though I can't always explain.. quite often I can't explain it to myself, I just know from long experience. Its like these scenes I've been through so many times it's funny, yet I still can't explain them. But there are things i want to talk about that aren't directly about the music, but about myself, so this is where I'll put them, for those for who want to know about me, things I can't talk about in explaining some aspect of the music, though they relate to the music and the music relates to them.

"How I Am"

"GENTLEWOMEN ONLY"

"How I Am"
Recently I have had people I've not seen or heard from in many years contacting me. This is fine by me, of course, though I am not sure what to say, either. But they always seem to ask how I am. It is not an easy question for me to answer, and I spent months thinking about how to reply. I really can't say I've done more than make an attempt this time. Maybe I'll be able to do it better after I think more, after I reflect on what I've written. I never want to bring anyone down, yet I also have to be honest, and there's just no simple answer. Part of the problem is I don't really think about it much myself.. I feel it, but my personal life and feelings don't concern me much. I dedicated myself to serving others, and also to the struggle to make a better world, and my life really doesn't seem to matter much in the scale and scheme of things, though I hope the things I do may have their small effect.

"Gentlewomen Only"
I found it hard to even find the right title for this section, though I came up with this in the end. I was going to use the old "Ladies Only" though really it's really hard to get people to understand what you mean by words these days, one person is pleased, another offended, and neither actually knew what you meant. So it goes. Well, I don't believe in Lords, so I guess I don't need a "Lady".. yet I want a "lady" in that I am a gentleman, and a gentle man, I am not crude or rude, and I couldn't take that in a partner. I don't like ego or arrogance, or affectation. I am unconcerned with social status and dislike those who are. I'm talking about true, honest character. I am a romantic brought up and chosing to be a gentleman, to live by a code of honor, to be strong, but gentle, not aggressive, but not passive. I believe in the value of manners, of consideration and restraint, dialogue instead of confrontation, reason and rationality instead of intolerance and dogma. I am certainly progressive, even a leftist, depending on how you see these things. Though I am also not dogmatic about anything, and a prgmatic, prqactical person, respecting tradition where it makes sense, discarding it where it doesn't, always open to dialogue, reason, and rational persuasion. But I am running on to what I should be doing in the section, explaining myself, and I am already running on to a book just about what to call this section!
The point is that I am not looking for a woman, but the woman, and this is really all for that one person, in hopes of gently encouraging the right person to continue on and just as gently eventually discouraging the rest. This isn't a simple process, there is too much uncertainty in words, and too much flexibility in life and ourselves, so much that can't be explained. So I want it to be a slow, gentle path, leading gradually, since I don't want to discourage you accidentally with something that in the end, might not matter enough to matter. I expect this road can't be smooth, I don't expect to find a perfect match on every point, so I want it to be a casual explaination of whatever comes to mind as possibly important, rather than a checklist of barriers to pass through or turn you away. It is not going to be simple, and I don't want it to be too strained, too much effort. I can't possibly get it done all at once, not right now, but I want to get started. I don't want to feel there is some pressure to get it done, yet I want to feel I am making a serious effort. I want it more like an easy correspondence, where I can just ramble on without trying to work out the meaning of every word. As much as I want a partner, its not going to be easy, and if you are like me, it won't be easy for you either. So it will be a work in progress, something I'll start now, and add to as I can. I'll date each entry so it will be like a correspondence, writing you letters, and leaving them there for you to read when you find them.

Peace
Brian